


Joanna verse

by darkmoore



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen, Kidfic, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-09-09
Packaged: 2017-12-26 03:30:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/961072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkmoore/pseuds/darkmoore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a collection of "scenes" that were originally written for cliche bingo and/or the 50 scenes table over at livejournal. Together they form what I like to call the "Joanna verse".  Joanna is John's and Rondey's daughter. The character death in the first part is not permanent, don't worry!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What might have been

“Oh wow, look at all that messy hair,” Rodney teased, running the brush gently through his daughter’s tangled locks. He was sitting behind her on her bed, her unruly dark hair messed up by a day spent on the mainland with Torren and the Athosian children. Both of them knew if he didn’t comb it now it would only be worse in the morning. 

“But Daddy, it’s not my fault that I inherited Pa’s untamable hair. I have like a million cowlicks,” Joanna giggled and threw her hands up in mock exasperation, managing a fair imitation of himself.

“Oh, right. That is such a bad excuse. Also, you are exaggerating again,” Rodney shot back good-naturedly and put away the brush to tickle Joanna’s sensitive sides. His daughter keeled over on the bed in a fit of laughter. 

When she had caught her breath again Joanna looked at Rodney, the blue eyes, that always reminded Rodney of Jeannie’s eyes way more than his own, serious. Something in Rodney’s chest tightened as he realized that she was going to ask the question again that she sometimes asked, when they had talked about John. The pain Rodney had felt for a long time when he told his daughter about John, about the other father she’d never had a chance to meet, had given way to a dull sadness and the resigned acceptance that they wouldn’t get John back. But at least, for Joanna, he would keep John’s memory alive, no matter the emotional costs for himself. So when she asked, “He would have loved me, wouldn’t he, Daddy?” Rodney was prepared. 

He smiled at her and hugged her, offering comfort. “Yes, Joanna, he would have loved you very much if he had known you. I’m very sorry he can’t be here with us,” Rodney said, meaning every word. He gave the same speech every time Joanna asked but it was still as true now as the fist time he had said it. “But-” he began but Joanna chimed in.

“But you are here and you love me very much and you are proud of me,” she grinned, hugging Rodney tight for a second before leaning back to look at him again. “Even though I’m an accident and shouldn’t even exist,” she finished, clearly amused about that fact. It was something like an inside joke, something just the two of them shared. A little good natured teasing over a topic that was all too serious. 

“You are not an accident,” Rodney replied. “You are the unexpected result of the activation of an Ancient device that was neither-”

“Properly labeled, nor secured,” Joanna butted in again. “That means I’m an accident,” She said, sounding way too smug for a five-year-old, even if it was a very gifted, somewhat precocious five-year-old.

“Oh fine, be that way,” Rodney replied in mock offense, “see if I care.” She laughed and Rodney attacked her sides again, tickling her mercilessly.

In a way, Joanna was right though. She was something like an accident. Not in a strict sense of course, the Ancient device John had unknowingly activated did exactly what it was supposed to do: create a child. Still, the fact remained that neither John nor Rodney had planned for any of this to happen. To the day, none of the scientists assigned to study the Ancient incubator had any idea how John had done it. The process wasn’t reproducible. Whether or not it had something to do with John’s strong gene – they would never know. The machine had just stopped working after Joanna had been taken out of it. Maybe they had broken it after all. Not that it mattered. Rodney was glad that Joanna had stayed the only child that had come into existence that way. Not that he wasn’t grateful for having her, but the whole situation wasn’t easy on Joanna. 

And Rodney still felt guilty when he thought about his initial reaction to learning about her. He hadn’t wanted her, hadn’t even wanted to think about her, the pain over John’s loss still unbearable. For the most time, Rodney had refused to even acknowledge the baby that was growing in the Ancient incubator in one of the labs, the thought of raising a child that might look like John had seemed out of the question. 

But then Joanna had been born. And Rodney had realized that she was a part of John, a part no-one would be able to take away from him. She was his daughter, his and John’s and Rodney would be the one to raise her. At that point he had embraced parenthood with all the love he usually held for his work. 

Joanna had made it worth his while ever since. 

Rodney smiled down at his still giggling daughter and then ushered her under the covers, tucking her in. He kissed her cheek and bid her goodnight, thinking once again how lucky he was that John had somehow activated the incubator the very same day he had died. 

The day Atlantis lost her favorite son, but gained a daughter.


	2. Pa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rodney has to deal with John’s absence and the problems it causes, once more…

Rodney could hear John’s tinny voice coming from the laptop in the living room as he entered his quarters. As he had expected, he found Joanna on her stomach on the floor in the middle of the living room, chin propped up on her hands, watching the recording John had made for Rodney all those years ago. Knowing the whole message by heart, as did his daughter, Rodney just stood in the doorway and listened.

The quality was awful, even though Rodney had tried everything to get the best out of it, but the camera John had used had been damaged later on and Rodney had been lucky to get to see this message at all. There weren’t many things left of John to remember him by, just a few pictures, his tags, his Johnny Cash poster and a few personal items. So this recording was the only chance Rodney still got, to hear John’s voice and he cherished it, no matter how bad the quality. 

_"… know you never expected it but after what happened lately I thought I should at least try to say goodbye. I’m not sure how I died, but if it was on one of those things you like to call suicide runs, I apologize. I really never meant to hurt you, Rodney. I never thought I’d fall in love with you, let alone get a chance to be with you, but I can’t change who I am. I hope, you’re not blaming yourself in any way, no matter what you think you should have done differently. It’s not your fault, buddy. I guess I just wanted to say goodbye and tell you that the time with you, here in Atlantis, was the best time of my life. I know you don’t believe in that kind of thing, but I sure hope we’ll meet again. I realize I should have told you more often, when I still had the chance, but I’ll say it now. I love you, Rodney. Please take good care of yourself. Bye!”_

The recording ended and Joanna stared at the screen for a little while longer, lost in her own thoughts. Rodney gave her a moment, before he stepped into the room, addressing her, “Hey imp, would you like some company?” 

Blue eyes locked with his and Joanna smiled a sad smile at him. “Yes, I do. Do you want to come and sit with me, Daddy?” She pushed herself up into a sitting position and patted the floor beside her leg. 

Rodney walked over to her and sat down, running a hand over her unruly dark curls as he did so. “Would you like to tell me why you’re sitting here all alone, watching that recording? Where is Sonya? She’s supposed to watch you.” Rodney asked, pulling her into his lap. 

Joanna snuggled up to him, her arms coming around his neck and she pressed a small kiss to his cheek. “She’s in the kitchen. I told her I need some time alone and that I wouldn’t get in trouble. And I didn’t, see?” Joanna answered, pointing to the laptop. It was her own and she knew she was allowed to watch her DVDs on it. But Rodney knew Joanna usually only watched this particular recording when something was bothering her.

“No, you didn’t and I’m glad for that. But you still haven’t told me what brought this on. Tell me what’s the matter with you?” Rodney gently pried, having learned over time how to read the mood of his daughter. If someone had told Rodney ten years ago that he would one day raise a daughter as a single father and be good at it, he’d have called them insane. Certifiable. But a lot had happened since then and both he and Joanna had come a long way. 

“It’s nothing bad. Just some dumb new kid at school. He said something and I just … wanted to see Pa I guess,” Joanna finally admitted with a sigh, playing with the hem of her sweater.

“Alright, what did he say?” Rodney asked gently, brushing a lock of hair out of Joanna’s eyes, noticing that it needed to be cut once again. Focusing on her and the way she held herself, he said, “You can tell me about it. You know that, right? What did he say that you felt like you needed to see Pa?”

Of course Rodney had a pretty good idea what had happened. Some of the new scientists had brought their family and one of the idiotic children had made a rude comment about Joanna and her parentage. Maybe about her lack of a second parent. Maybe about the way she had come into existence. Rodney didn’t know which one was worse, but he knew even though Joanna usually made fun of the way she had been ‘conceived’ having someone tease her about it would still hurt. 

“He said that two men can’t have a baby together and that my mother didn’t love me and that’s why she left and I made up a dead father,” Joanna said in a rush, sounding lost and small. She avoided Rodney’s eyes, instead looking down at her hands that were still busy with the hem of her sweater. “He said I made it all up, so I wouldn’t have to admit that my mother didn’t love me enough to stay with my dad. Of course Doctor Henricks told him off, but …” she trailed off and Rodney inwardly fumed about the cruelty of some children. He would need to have words with some people. 

“But you still wanted to see Pa so you remember that he really existed,” Rodney finished, reaching over to gently tilt Joanna’s chin upwards to make her look at him. “I’m very sorry that this kid hurt you, sweetie. And you know he’s wrong, don’t you? I’ve told you the truth about who your other parent is. And you’ve seen the Ancient incubator for yourself. We went down to the lab together and looked at it, remember?” Rodney asked softly. She nodded, but the hurt he could see in her whole posture didn’t leave her eyes. Rodney wasn’t the least surprised that Joanna had problems with that specific topic. It was hard enough for her to have been created by an Ancient device. To make things worse she was the child of two men, of which one of them had died even before she had been born. It really was a worst case scenario. 

“Joanna, I know there are a lot of people who will not believe the truth, but that’s only because they are stupid,” Rodney said with a little sigh. He really wished people would think before speaking – and hurting his daughter in the process. “You and I and all of the others who were here when you were born know the truth. And your Pa would have loved you more than anything. He would never have left you, I know that.” If Rodney was sure of one thing, it was that John would have adored Joanna and nothing could have kept him away from her.

Hugging Joanna close once more Rodney said, “How about we get some snacks and then we’ll make ourselves at home on the couch with the newest Disney movie? Popcorn? Chocolate? Ice-cream? What do you say?”

Joanna smiled at him thankfully and whispered, “That’d be great, Daddy!” 

Rodney smiled back at her, looking forward to spending the evening cuddling with his daughter on the couch. He just wished he wouldn’t have to do it alone.


	3. Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn't see that coming....

It was three weeks before Joanna’s sixth birthday when a call woke Rodney in the middle of the night. Rodney knew if someone dared to use the emergency communication system that would be transferred directly to his quarters, then they were in deep shit. Ever since he had become a single parent, Rodney had had to learn to rely on his minions to handle the minor catastrophes. As it was, that had turned out surprisingly well. So he began to switch off his radio at night and threatened everyone who dared to disturb him for anything less than impending doom with a slow and painful death. 

So when the speaker that was right above his head suddenly began to blare, Rodney was instantly awake, sitting up straight. He tossed off the sheet and opened a channel, saying, “This is McKay. What’s the problem?” A moment later he was already reaching for his pants beside the bed. 

“Doctor McKay, please report to Colonel Carter’s office immediately. Doctor Schlosser is on her way to your quarters so your daughter will be cared for,” the voice of the Marine was controlled and bare of emotion, but Rodney could feel worry sitting like a block of ice in his stomach. They hadn’t had a lot of emergency meetings and almost fatal situations lately, in fact the last time they’d almost died lay several years back. Things had settled after the destruction of the Replicators and the almost distinction of the Wraith. What could possibly be wrong that he was now called to an emergency meeting again in the middle of the night?

Rodney finished dressing, grabbed his radio from the nightstand and switched it on before putting it into his ear, saying “I’m on my way. McKay out.” 

As he stepped out of his quarters, Sonya Schlosser rounded the corner, smiling at him. She was Joanna’s favorite out of the list of people who took over Joanna’s care temporarily in situations like these. And more often than not it was her, who ended up doing the babysitting-duties, something for which Rodney was grateful. If he had to leave Joanna with someone, she should at least like that person.

To Rodney’s great surprise, Sonya gave his arm a quick squeeze while she passed him, before she said, “I’ll make sure Joanna is alright and tell her that you will be back as soon as possible, should she wake up. Don’t worry about us, we’ll be fine.” With that she palmed the door behind them open and entered the room.

With one less problem to worry about, Rodney hurried to Sam Carter’s office. 

When he arrived, he found Carson in the room with Sam, but none of the other scientists Rodney had expected to be there in the case of a crisis were present – like Zelenka. Sam was sitting at her desk rubbing her face, while Carson was pacing the length of the room slowly. Both of them turned their attention at him the moment he entered the room

“Rodney, it’s good that you’re here. Sit down, lad, we need to talk to you,” Carson said and pulled out one of the chairs that were standing in front of Sam’s desk.

Rodney noticed that both of his friends looked pale and drawn and the uneasy feeling in his stomach intensified tenfold. “What’s the matter? What the hell is going on that you drag me out of my bed at this time? Where is the catastrophe and where are the other scientists? Surely you can’t expect me to save the day single-handedly. I’m a genius not a damn miracle worker,” Rodney ranted, looking between Sam and Carson fearfully. 

“Calm down, Rodney,” Sam said, folding her hands on top of her desk, looking him straight in the eyes. “Atlantis is not in danger. We are perfectly fine. There is something else we thought you should know right away and not hear it through the grapevine in the morning. Especially since we have Joanna to think about as well,” Sam went on and the uneasy feeling in Rodney’s gut grew to outright panic at the mention of his daughter’s name. 

“Joanna? What’s wrong with Joanna? Carson? Is something wrong with Joanna? Is she in danger? Dammit, tell me what the hell is going on!” Rodney snapped losing all semblance of control. He was scared out of his mind for his daughter, the one person he loved most in his life.

“Oh no, no Rodney, there is nothing at all wrong with Joanna,” Carson assured Rodney hastily and the tight feeling in Rodney’s chest loosened marginally. “She’s a perfectly healthy little girl and nothing has changed that. We asked you to come here because of my new patient, Rodney. SGA-4 came back early from their mission about two hours ago and they had someone with them. They found a man waiting for them at the alpha-site. A man who claimed to be Colonel John Sheppard,” Carson paused and looked at Rodney strangely, before he went on. “Rodney, I’ve run every test I could think of. DNA, scans, dental records, everything there is in both human and Ancient technology to identify a person. I know I’ve said this the last time, too but – Rodney I believe that he is John Sheppard. Our John Sheppard. Not a clone, not a fake, not a Replicator or anything else you can come up with. He is the one we thought we had lost over six years ago. He said he’s been held prisoner and managed to escape about six months ago. He’s been on the run ever since,” Carson explained and Rodney had difficulties to focus on his words properly. 

Surely he’d had heard wrong. Carson couldn’t have said what Rodney had thought he had said. It couldn’t be.

The wave of absolute, unfathomable joy that took over Rodney’s mind only lasted a second. Then Rodney crashed, hard. Panic settled into his chest as he fought the faint hope that John, his John, really, truly might be still alive. It just wasn’t possible, not even in a galaxy that had life sucking aliens and flying ancient cities. It just … wasn’t. Feeling suddenly very lightheaded, Rodney muttered, “No. No, no, no. That can’t be. You … you said John was dead. He’s been dead for over six years. I’ve … I’ve seen what was left of his burnt body. You gave me his tags. I was at the funeral. He’s dead.” Rodney’s head began to spin and his throat burned with panic and unshed tears. This couldn’t be happening. It just couldn’t. “You did a DNA test on … whatever remained of him the last time. You said it was him. I … I can’t do this. I can’t. I can’t lose him again when this turns out to be some sort of cruel joke. I can’t. I can’t go through this again and I sure as hell won’t put my daughter through that sort of torture either.” Rodney was about to get out of his seat and run, get back to his rooms, curl around his daughter and shut the rest of the world out for a while, but Carson’s hand on his arm prevented his escape.

“Rodney, I know what you’re thinking. I’m so sorry we dumped this on you the way we did, but there really was no easy way of telling you. I know you don’t want to believe it, but it’s true. According to John, the body we found six years ago was a clone. A dead clone they planted so we wouldn’t look for John any more, believing him dead. We were barely able to do a DNA test as it was because the remains were burnt so badly, you know that,” Carson said, his grip on Rodney’s arm tightening. “But it makes sense. Please Rodney, I know you’re panicking, I know you’re hurting but you need to calm down, lad. We’ll need your help. John will need your help. He’s been asking for you right before I put him under. He’s going to have a rough time for quite a while. Sam has already contacted SGC and made sure they won’t try and call him back to Earth. Rodney, are you listening to me?” 

Rodney stared at Carson dazedly, his mind unable to process what Carson was saying. John was alive. Maybe. Possibly. Certainly?

Swallowing hard, Rodney forced himself to ask, “How sure are you that this is really our John? If the body we recovered last time was a clone, how can you be sure this isn’t one as well? He’d have the same DNA, how can you be sure that he’s who he says he is?” Rodney felt cold, so very cold. And strangely numb. The joy that wanted to bubble up inside of him overpowered by the fear that all of this wasn’t for real. That it would be snatched away from Rodney at the first possible moment. Wishes like that just didn’t come true in the real world. And Rodney knew he couldn’t go through the pain of losing John again. Not when it had taken such a long time to come to terms with his loss in the first place. When it had taken days of sedation and weeks of therapy and months of grieving to be able to function again, let alone live again. It had been a close call. The SGC and IOA had been ready to ship him back to Earth. Only Joanna and Rodney’s determination to raise his and John’s daughter himself, to hold onto every little piece of John that he could had kept Rodney sane. Joanna was the reason Rodney had made it through the time after John’s death without accidentally or not so accidentally killing himself. Depression was a bitch to deal with and Rodney had had his share of experiences with that kind of thing.

“Oh Rodney,” Carson said, and there was compassion and pity in his eyes. He reached over and squeezed Rodney’s arm briefly before he took a deep breath. “I know it’s hard on you, I know you don’t want o believe it because you’re afraid you’ll get hurt again but I promise, I’ve made no mistake. You can trust me, Rodney. I’m one hundred percent certain. He is the John you’ve lost. The one you will love until you die, no matter what you tell anyone else,” Carson just said gently and Rodney had to swallow hard. He didn’t want to believe it, didn’t want to allow the faint hope he had to grow because Rodney knew he wouldn’t be able to let John go a second time. To lose him a second time.

“Because we only had so little material that we could use for testing, six years ago, we just had the DNA to base our results on. But that’s different now. This time we have a living person we can match the results to,” Carson went on, apparently accepting Rodney’s silence as agreement. “The man lying in my infirmary is John, without a shadow of a doubt. Rodney, a clone might have the right DNA, but it wouldn’t have the scars, the healed fractures or the perfect dental match the real John Sheppard has. They are not in the genetic make-up. You can’t clone the residues of a broken bone. This is our John Sheppard. And yes, he will need all of us to be there for him, but the most important person are you, Rodney.” 

“I agree with Carson,” Sam said in a serious tone. “Of course we’ll all do our share to make him feel at home again, but it was you he was engaged to, you he asked for from the very beginning. We know it’s a lot to ask for, Rodney, we really do. But I don’t see any other way. You’ll have to meet with him at one point anyway and both Carson and I believe that seeing you sooner rather than later will make a huge difference in his recovery time. Knowing you’re going to be there for him might help to make re-integration into life in Atlantis smoother as well. Of course Joanna will need to be integrated into those plans at one point,” Sam said, sounding hopeful, and Rodney had to suppress the urge to laugh hysterically at that. Instead he retreated into his well proven method of using sarcasm. 

“Oh that’s just great,” Rodney snapped, jumping out of his seat and beginning to pace. “And what the hell do you suggest I tell our daughter? Oh, I know. I’ll just say: ‘Hey honey listen, the father we told you was dead, guess what? He’s not. He’s just been imprisoned on some godforsaken planet and we didn’t even look for him, instead we declared him dead. Now he’s back but don’t you worry, we’ll be a happy little family in no time at all.’ Yeah right. That will go over well. Don’t you fucking get it that we just can’t brush the last six years away, pretending nothing happened and go on like before? Do you honestly think that would work? Are you nuts?” Rodney fumed, getting more and more enraged by the minute.

Anger was good. Anger was very good. It made the ache in his chest lessen, made the block of ice that had taken residence in his stomach thaw, made the burn of unshed tears in his throat more bearable and Rodney clung to it, desperately. He didn’t want to hear this. Didn’t want to think about what John’s return – if it really was him – would mean for him and Joanna. For their lives, for their family, their future. Part of him was so terrified it would all end up in shambles. 

“Rodney, lad …”Carson began but Rodney interrupted him. “No, Carson. Just no. I’ve spent years raising a child that has John written all over her, knowing that she is all that’s left of him. I’ve lived in the knowledge that my partner, the person I had planned to stay with until the end of the fucking universe, is dead. And he wouldn’t come back. He wasn’t ascended, he wasn’t missing, he was dead,” Rodney hissed before dropping down into his chair again, his anger deflating. He suddenly felt exhausted. “Can I see him, please?” Rodney then asked, looking up at Carson, who was standing beside him, worry written all over his face. “I’d like to see him, touch him. I need to …” Rodney broke off, unsure what exactly he wanted to say. He felt so lost. So out of it. 

“Yes, you can see him, Rodney. But I’m afraid touching will have to wait a little longer. He’s in quarantine. John’s got some parasites he picked up while he was on the run, nasty little buggers, too. He’s got the beginnings of pneumonia and he’s malnourished. It’ll take some time until he’s on his feet again. I’ve put him under for now, to make recovery easier on him. Getting rid of all the parasites will be hard on his body. But you can go and see him for a few minutes. I’ll take you,” Carson replied. 

Rodney just sat there for a moment, thinking about all that had been said, before he sluggishly heaved himself out of his chair. He threw a last look at Sam, who just sat there, silent and hunched in on herself before he followed Carson outside the door. 

This visit was going to be hell. He just knew it.


	4. News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rodney knows he has to tell Joanna the news himself, before she hears it through the grapevine ...

Joanna was sitting on the couch in the living room, a bowl of cereal in her lap, munching happily, while Sonya read a book to her when Rodney walked into their apartment. He felt drained, exhausted in a way that spoke of too much grief.

John was alive. 

A little worse for wear, sure, but alive. To Rodney it still didn’t feel real at all. His head refusing to believe what his heart had accepted readily. That John was really truly back with them. He had come home after being perceived dead and nothing at all would be like before. 

Rodney needed to talk to Joanna, he knew that. She deserved to hear the news from him and not from some rumor that sure as hell was already spreading around the base. 

“Daddy! You’re back!” Joanna squealed as soon as she spotted him and put the bowl onto the table before jumping up and running towards him. She hugged him, looking up at him with huge curious eyes before she raised her arms, wanting to be picked up, and asked, “Are you alright, Daddy? Sonya didn’t tell me where you’d gone and what you were doing. Are we in trouble?” Joanna was old and clever enough to understand that when Rodney rushed to an emergency – any emergency at all – usually something was seriously wrong. That Atlantis or the people within her were in danger.

“No, imp, we’re not in trouble. Everything will be fine, I promise,” Rodney replied as he scooped her up into his arms and walked over to the couch with her. 

“I’ll just go then, Doctor McKay. Call me if you need me to watch Joanna again,” Sonya said and walked to the door. She looked curious but didn’t ask any questions. She knew better than that, Rodney supposed.

“Yes, thank you, Sonya,” Rodney dismissed her and settled on the couch with Joanna on his lap. 

“Are you gonna tell me what happened, Daddy?” Joanna asked, searching his eyes. She looked so much like John at that moment that a stab of pain shot through Rodney. She had always looked a lot like John. She had his mouth, his hair, his mannerisms down to the raised eyebrow and the cocked head. Thankfully though, she had been spared John’s weird elf-ears and Rodney’s own, crooked mouth. Neither was something Rodney would wish on any child. 

“Yes, I’m gonna tell you what happened, imp,” Rodney said softly, brushing a small kiss into her hair. He really didn’t know how he was supposed to deliver the news. How did you tell your child that the father everyone had told her was dead suddenly turned up alive? There had been a lot of things Rodney had not been prepared for when Joanna had been born and unfortunately children didn’t come with a user manual either. But until now, Rodney thought he had managed damn well. 

Bu this? This was something else. No-one had told him he would be asked to traumatize his daughter.

“Alright, so Carson and Sam called me to talk about John,” Rodney began, deciding to be as honest as possible with Joanna without going into too much detail. 

A frown of confusion appeared on Joanna’s face and she asked, “They called you in the middle of the night to talk about Pa? That doesn’t make sense, Daddy. Why would they do that? Pa’s not an emergency!” She said with conviction and Rodney had to smile at her tone of voice. 

“Hm, yes, Joanna, I know usually that would be true, but in this case it’s very complicated. Do you remember how I told you about DNA? How the incubator made you from Pa’s DNA and mine? And that we knew from the DNA that Pa was dead?” As soon as Joanna had been able to voice her thoughts she had begun to ask questions, pretty much like every child did. And Rodney, who didn’t believe in lying to his daughter, had answered those questions thoroughly and honestly. So at least now he didn’t have to have the whole DNA discussion. 

Joanna frowned again and nodded, saying, “Yes, you said it’s why I have Pa’s stupid hair and your brilliant mind.” 

Rodney suppressed a grin. Trust his daughter to remember that. “That’s what I said,” he agreed. “Alright, so the emergency Sam and Carson wanted to talk about has to do with DNA and with John,” Rodney went on, still trying to figure out how to best say what he wanted to say. “See, the thing is, someone stole your Pa’s DNA to make a … copy of him. A clone. And that clone died and the people who made that clone left it for us to find, so we wouldn’t keep looking for him because we would think that John was dead. But he really wasn’t. John, our John, your Pa, is very much alive and he’s in the infirmary right now, getting medical attention. SGA-4 brought him home last night.” 

There, he had said it. 

Joanna’s eyes grew wide and she gasped. “Are you sure?” she asked, sounding more excited than shocked. “Are you really, really sure that this is my Pa and not a clone in the infirmary? This is for real?” She stared at him, wonder written all over her face. 

“Yes, Cason is sure. Absolutely and one hundred percent sure. The other one was the clone and John, our John, matches all the medical records. Even the ones that are about things you can’t clone. John really is alive, Joanna. Your Pa is back with us.” Rodney was saying this as much for Joanna’s benefit as for his own. He still hadn’t grasped it yet, either. 

Leaning up to wrap her arms around Rodney’s neck, Joanna squealed with delight. “That’s awesome Daddy! That’s so great. I get to have my Pa! Can we go see him? Please? I’ll behave, I promise! I just want to see him. Can I hug him? I’d like to hug him and tell him …” she broke off, a shadow rushing over her face. “He doesn’t know me. He doesn’t know that I exist,” she mumbled, sinking back into Rodney’s lap, looking small and miserable. The eyes that had shone with excitement just a second ago dulled as she asked in a small voice, “Daddy, are you still sure that he would love me?”

Rodney swallowed hard. What was he supposed to say? John ... the John he had known would have adored Joanna. But that had been before. Before he had ended up abducted and imprisoned for over six years. Rodney didn’t know the person in the infirmary any more. He was nothing more than a stranger who wore John’s face. Rodney didn’t know what exactly had happened to John, didn’t know the first thing about his mental state. John could be broken so badly that he wouldn’t want to have anything to do with Joanna.

Or Rodney for that matter. 

Six years were a long time and Rodney knew he had changed a lot. Joanna had changed him. Rodney wasn’t the person any more he had been six years ago. And it wasn’t just about the loss of hair or the gain of weight. It was about nights spent soothing a crying baby, about babysitter-schedules and finding a guardian to raise his daughter should something happen and he should die. It was about first steps and college funds and reading a book to Joanna at bedtime. It was a bout a life, about a family John wasn’t part of, even though he should have been. It was about the fact that to them, John had been dead. 

Hugging Joanna tightly, Rodney weighed his options. He could lie. It would even be a comfort lie, but it would still be a lie. And Rodney didn’t believe in lying, not even to spare someone pain. And he suspected Joanna would be able to tell anyway. So he just hugged her, hoping it would be enough.


End file.
